We woke up to a beautiful hot and humid day. And, I'm not complainin' because I remember the snow from last winter...this, despite, the mid-winter surprise, that my husband took our family to Hawaii in January to celebrate my belated Hawaii Five-O birthday!
Since we Home School, today was not our official start of the new academic year. In fact, we school all year 'round so there really is no such thing as Back to School for our family or indeed, many of the hundreds of families that we now know on this journey. That moniker is a clever Madison Avenue ploy to put into 'play' millions of dollars into our economy. And, it works! People fall for it hook, line & sinker because, without them even realizing it, they have become 'programmed' to buy Back-to-School school supplies. The fact that it is the best time to buy school supplies is not lost on this homeschooling family (or any for that matter), but retailers (and wholesalers) know they will generate the volume sales. Homeschoolers know to delay their gratification and only stock up on school supplies at that time, for the lowest possible prices and to offset their bottom line. But, we also 'choose' the timely of our supplies for maximum discounts and for the quality of the shopping experience. Just like everything else, we will not be caught shopping with the rest of the sharks. We want to have a quality-of-life experience. We do not want a pirrah or dog-eat-dog experience anymore. Back-to-School for public school children in our area and their parents is a huge deal in our area. It is a cultural thing as well. Adults have turned it into a 'popularity' thing or even a 'bully-proofing' if you will experience (more about this later) And, for 3.7 million Kindergartners across the U.S. today, today was the first of many, at least thirteen, hopefully, more First Day of School Days. Their Graduation Day is something like 2027. And, that's just public school...what a market. What a captive market. Hmmm.....how many people can I sell a school supply, too? Now, make the leap over to China...Yeah, see what I mean...read all the white space. Global market economy. What would happen if that market suddenly...disappeared. Think of the infrastructure. That's another reason why change is incremental.
Anyway, my husband left at his usual time. And, I was taking our youngest daughter to an introductory French Immersion Class. Tops for both of us: twenty minute commute. And, bear in mind, we usually don't have to be out the door by 8 o'clock. Well, suffice it to say, our morning commute made the evening news at both 5 o'clock, 5:30, 6 0'clock and again at 11 p.m. "Gridlock Nightmare" was the headline. Now, I've worked in New York City and overseas in Europe; my husband is from the beach area and knows L.A. and the West Coast Traffic fairly well. We also vaguely remember NOVA (Northern Virginia/DC/Beltway) traffic from our young just starting our hungry, career days. We are both well acquainted with REAL, actual gridlock...This was not gridlock. But, it was bad; and absolu atypical of the area. For my husband, his commute was over an hour. I was a bit more lucky, but I made alternative plans. I was also paying attention to my environment and thinking things through. I used critical thinking skills to solve my problem. And, I had to adapt myself to that environment. And, I was still reasonable and respecting about it.
But what I did think was several things. One, how much like lemmings we human beings have become. I thought of the Korean secondary students this past winter that willingly went below deck on the ferry they hired for their school tour and sightseeing and--unknowingly sunk to their deaths! I watched as hundreds of parents today took their children to their first day of school and then, both mom and dad drove in separate cars to their respective places of work. And, saw nothing wrong with that scenario. Do you see anything remotely wrong with the situation. And, if so, on how many different levels. Because I stopped counting when I asked to borrow my daughter's toes. And, when these parents finally realized that the traffic ahead of them was gridlock--well, they did absolu nothing about it. Just sat there. Inertia. Nada. No critical thinking skills there. Our shiny new nine-year-old , being chauffeured herself, to a trial French Immersion School immediately assessed the situation and then promptly gave me, verbally volunteered, at least three different routes these cars could be taking. All I could say was: I know. I know. Don't they.
But, the bigger pic thought that sneakily creeps into my psyche...a lot? Is the willingness for these same adults to willingly hand over their children so easily and so, dare I say--happily--to another authority, other than themselves. Think about that. Chew on it, indeed. Free school is the biggest scam goin'. Parking Lot Day Care. Park your child here for the next thirteen years. We'll make some of it, interesting. When they are done, they'll go out and do some exciting things, before they have to Parking Lot Day Care you into a Retirement Home or Assisted Living Space or somewhere....And, industry is making a killing on someone else raising your child. And, because you don't know your child (and more importantly, as you age, your child doesn't know you or even care about you other than as a meal ticket to ride...somewhere...) your child will feel no remorse (just like you didn't when you put them in public school or any school for that matter) when they put you in a Nursing Home. You're OKAY with that, right? For maybe, say, thirteen years, just the same amount of years as you were put in school (because you were a minor and had no say in the matter). The questions become the same questions again: "What's the best Nursing Home ? (that I can afford; or want to afford) Will they have snack? And, of course, these institutions are run at the same high quality as our federally and state-funded and/or subsidized public school institutions? Certainly, the same great diet and nutrition comes from the same place? It happens, sooner, and sooner.
We were in a public school once. For six years: K - Fifth Grade. A supposed G-R-E-A-T school! High test scores. Academic rigor. Upper echelon soci-economic backgrounds. Lots of diversity. Yeah. Yeah...scratch the surface. Looking back, I know that most parents/grandparents lose their child somewhere in the second semester of Second Grade. The transformation is pretty much complete by then. Of course, all children are different. Slightly. For some, it might take longer. For others, it's pretty complete. And, some, some actually enjoy the institutionalization factor of it. For them it's safe. There is a comfort level. (they may have the most difficulty dealing with and living in the real world; successful students in K - 12 often make very unsuccessful adults because they had no life skills taught or learned in their 'institutionalization'. With everything handed to them, they didn't have to learn how to put those things together. But, more importantly, they don't even have a clue, that they now need to have the responsibility to put things together for themselves.)For some, I'm sure, it sure beats home. And, most of the parents, truth, be told, know that they are losing their child. And, they seem to be, if not okay about it, at least...numb to the situation themselves about it....perhaps because its all they know, or they 'think' it's normal or a part of life. I should stop and let this sink in...because it is The Emperor's New Clothes, folks. Only, I'm not the only one who knows he's naked as a Jaybird. In his Birthday Suit...lots of people, systems and institutions, know the same things I do. And, they know, just like any other good consumer what the perceived value and the real worth of the things they are consuming. Oh, they know alright....I stop there and that those algorithims sink in for folks without the best interest of child at heart and what they can, will and do, do with those algorithims. Because there is policy and procedures explicit and these value sets. Just remember, in the words of Matthew Kelly, "Culture doesn't have a plan for you. Culture doesn't have a plan for your child. Culture doesn't want the Best Version of Yourself (see previous post)? Only, you, God and your parents have the Best Version for Yourself. And, honestly, if you're a child, do you really do what is best for you all the time? If the answer, was "yes" then, do you know and (commit) to the Best Version of Yourself for 10,000 hours diligently?
But, know before you go there. Let me be that other voice in your ear. The one voice that you don't get to hear in a civilized manner. This voice doesn't get heard. It trots out in niggly minor ways all along the way. Trust me on this. The question or maybe, even questions will get heard and asked. Maybe you will even share those questions for validation and indeed, support, commisseration, with another parent. And, probably, you will receive validation. (They are counting on this 'socialization" aspect of parenting, particularly 'modern parenting'). Especially if you don't know your own mind, or are insecure or unsure or from another culture and want to assimilate seamlessly into the 'typical American culture' or prefer to go 'with the flow' or the crowd, especially, the in-crowd (popularity, socialization, group think). Then, your answers will reflect what you want to hear for the current situation. Here's one that I asked, frequently, "Before kindergarten, Sophie was happy and carefree and frequently played with her toys and her sisters with complete joy and abandon. Now, she comes home from school, tired and drained; cranky. She doesn't seem to want to have anything to do much with her sisters now. She seems dissatisfied with lots of things. I look back on her preschool pictures and she seems so much happier. Nothing dramatic has changed in our home. Is school really that hard? On weekends, I seem to get the 'old Sophie' back around dinnertime for a glimmer around dinnertime, but by noon on Sunday we are back to the 'current Sophie-self again'. It just seems to me that the school and her teachers and peers get the best part of Sophie all week long. By the time I get my own child, I get the worst part of Sophie, if at all. Is this normal?
The answer, usually from another parent, especially if the question is asked frequently is this: "Yes. it's normal. That's what I get, too. In fact, your lucky, your raising a girl (or a boy) because...." Also, if you are lucky, you might get: "I don't know what you are complaining about: your Sophie is so much nicer than my child, ______(if they are honest with you and themselves, because they know their child is not nice; and they don't hang out with your kid as much as their own, and we know how little time that is already,,,,and to the unobserved eye, your Sophie treats you nicer than their Sally or Sam does them)."
Answer your own question: Didn't you just get your answer: Validation. From another parent, even. And, it was complimentary, so the parent even made you feel good (a friend; an ally). You would make her feel good, too. But, when you asked the question, what were you looking for in your 'expectation'. Because when you went to your friend, you do know that you went to an unobjective observer, right? They also attend the same school. You may be getting a different opinion from a different human, parent or household. But, the circumstances and situations may be similar and the stakes are really the same. Both parents are in the words of the hit musical, "We're All In This Together!" Truly, there is safety and comfort in numbers. So, wasn't that really the answer you were looking for: I have this problem, reassure me, that you have this problem, too. We don't want to solve the problem or if we do, I only want to solve it the way I have expectations that XYZ will not change or will only change in my favor. Because if it involves sacrifice on my part, let's just move on.
Realistically, logically, if you both had thought about it for another minute (which you don't; we don't. we fill our thoughts with addictions, dark thoughts, our own misdirected thoughts) or you actually wanted a solution to your real problem, well, then, you'd both realize that your children should come home, refreshed, excited about school, meeting genuine, virtuous friends and eager to go back and do more of the same great, amazing stuff. So, why do we let them "off" so easy? Talk to a home schooler. Especially a home schooler who started home schooling in preschool. Talk to a home schooler who you know makes life exciting and fun! Talk to them about the challenges of their Back-to-School. We have them, too!
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